The hours

Chapter 4 

The Hours

Clarissa Vaughn: I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

A brief pause from my story, I dedicate this chapter to you the Reader. My fellow warrior of life,  It really is ok to not be ok. To lose yourself and have to be reborn again, like a tree that’s knocked down and part of it remains and grows again. The one thing Mental health has ensured is new beginnings. To look at life in the face and fight like its your last day everyday takes strength. But maybe fighting  isn’t what’s needed. To fight would be to not stop. Oh my god….. to stop, to breath, to listen to a whole song to watch a program to read a whole book. Now that’s my fear. The hours. The hours I know im losing to social media distractions. I would rather promote a good life rather then have one. To be your authentic self is terrifying.

Addiction

Addiction doesn’t have to be cocaine, coffee or alcohol, Our modern day addiction my modern day addiction is Social media. The hold and grab, the heavy jolt of the tides that bind you to that phone. Like glue I’m stuck. Not living, not being. I’m distracting. I’m using distraction as a self-destruct tool without knowing. I know carol down the road who is on my Facebook doesn’t want to see my body but somehow I just go and let my fingers go deep into the realms of Facebook narcissism. Instead of living I’m doing something and thinking will this look good online. We must stop. I must stop. I must realise it worries people to see this of me. If I stop I have to deal with my problems. 

Friends

Getting caught up with followers and such you lose your friends. It’s simple. Why put all your time into replying to “you are hot” “ can I meet your dog” “ I want to do bad things to you” rather then. No stop, breath phones a friend. I now think of Chris Tarrant in this time. It’s working. My friends who have stuck by me matter.  I must add anyone who reaches out about mental health I will gladly reply to. 

Conclusion

Always be kind. But remember you cant save someone else if you havnt saved yourself. To stop terrifies me and maybe you reader. But I will stop I will listen to Beethoven I will bake, I will clean, I will paddleboard. I will learn to be in the moment. Because that’s all we have. 

Yours sincerely 

Work in progress