September 28th

Dream of sheep

I woke up at 7:20 am to a cold morning. The feeling of dread opening my eyes. Another day. I pulled my duvet off me looked in the mirror and ran downstairs. Mum and dad has taken the dog for a walk. The feeling was impulse. I didn’t want to be in the world any longer….

I wonder what the last song I listened to was.

I rushed downstairs and was frantic. I had on on my computer and tried to gas myself remembering that scene from the holiday. I then grabbed every pill in my house and swallowed them. It wasn’t enough I was alive. I got on my bike and rode to the cliff near my house. Culver cliff or be precise. I didn’t even cry. I wasn’t shaking. I felt numb. I felt like someone had taken over my body. Before I got to the top of the cliff my dad for some reason found me. For some weird reason him, my mum and my sister knew I was there. It was a cold September day. My mum arrived in her car. She was crying. She had to cancel her zumba class. I got in her car. We drove. I was sick out the window.

The next hour I forgot. I was out of it. I was sick in the hospital. My sister arrived and cried. My mum, my dad and my sister. Around my bed. They were scared and I had done that to them. They decided to keep me over night and I was put on a drip. My mum brought me a picnic. I was out of it. My mum held my hand and hummed to me. She was my home in Newport hospital. My mum is a lioness. She protects her cubs and I was her cub that night. She is my light my day my home my mum.

I’m not telling you this to scare you. Because this was only months ago and look at me now. This is about turning into a warrior. And after this I taught and taught until I couldn’t fight anymore. And now reader I’m nailing this life……